Things I learned about girls by watching Twilight
April 16th, 2009 | 
Author: I haven’t met a girl yet who doesn’t like Twilight. I also haven’t met one that doesn’t think Edward Cullen is the most perfect boyfriend ever!!! For all the single guys out there, just follow Edward’s example and you’re sure to have ladies swooning over you.
Girls Like to be Stalked
Restraining order, another way of saying "I love you."
It doesn’t matter that you’ve just met her in passing, go ahead and climb through her window and into her bedroom at night to watch her sleep. Chicks dig it!
You also want to follow her everywhere she goes, but stay just out of eyesight. She doesn’t need to know you’re stalking her until you rescue her from other guys who aren’t as good at stalking as yourself. After you’ve saved her from a gang rape, or some other equally violent crime, she totally won’t be weirded out when you admit to climbing into her bedroom at night to watch her sleep.
Robert Pattinson as Edward Cullen in Twilight
you’ll probably get a different reaction than you will if you look like this guy.
Max Schreck as Count Orlok in Nosferatu
Here’s a handy video to demonstrate the best way to approach a woman under these circumstances.
Threaten to Kill Her
Tell the girl you’re stalking that it takes all of the willpower you can summon to stop yourself from killing her. This will probably get you pretty close to getting inside her pants. To make sure you get inside her pants, also tell her that you constantly fantasize about drinking her blood. That will pretty much seal the deal.
Follow these simple steps and you can have any girl you’ve ever watched intently from a safe distance.
Posted in Movies