Benjamin Bloodworth's Blog

There are a lot of commonly used status updates for Facebook.  There’s the “I’m at work update”, the “I’m at home update”, the quote from a song lyric update, etc…  Here are some status updates that you never see.

… is thanking the sun and the earth’s axial tilt for this beautiful day.

Sorry Sol, we know you’ve been burning up the cold darkness of space providing the earth with life sustaining warmth and sustenance for about 4.5 billion years now, but God always gets credit for the good days. Instead, we always see “… is thanking God for this beautiful day!”

Earth's Axial Tilt

… is thanking God for this crappy day.

God has a really good gig going. He gets credit for all the good things in our life and is never blamed for the bad things. He even gets credit for something as trivial as adjusting weather patterns for an entire planet so that his worshippers, at least some of them, have pleasant weather.

Why does God grant good weather to some of his worshippers and not others? Well the good book tells us that it rains on the just and unjust alike. Also, we need rain for plants to grow. Those plants are eaten by animals, which we also eat. That whole circle of life thing would come to an abrupt end if it never rained.

… is going to kill his wife

You never see husbands complaining about their wives on Facebook. It’s always the wives complaining about the husbands. The only valid conclusion is that women are perfect and men are the devil. Since I am someone’s husband, I have to disagree. It’s not all monster truck rallies and gun shows living with you ladies. Men just don’t complain about their wives on Facebook.